


A Million Miles Away

by crescendohowell



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bisexuality, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, me chanting bi even rise slightly louder each time as i emerge from the shadows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 13:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10514718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescendohowell/pseuds/crescendohowell
Summary: While they sit at the windowsill, Even thinks that Isak might be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen.  He makes his heart ache already and they’re barely even met.  It’s scary really.  Bisxeual; Even turns the word over in his head while they smoke.  It feels right (really it always has) and Even finds that he isn’t as scared of it as he thought he would be.(in which Even comes to terms with being bi)





	

Even can hear the bitterness in her voice when she says the word. She probably doesn’t mean to do it, most people don’t. It’s completely okay to be gay, everyone seems to agree with that by now. _That_ word doesn’t sound bitter when she says it (even when it’s followed by overgeneralizations that hurt just as bad). But when Sonja mentions someone who’s bisexual, as if their sexuality is a bad thing, Even feels his stomach turning. But he’s already holding her hand, he has been for the past four years, so letting go isn't really an option.

He loves her, he really does. Or at least this is what he thinks love feels like, even if this is only relationship he’s ever been in. Actually, Even’s always been more than a little confused about emotions in regards to being attracted to people. But it’s easiest to say that he loves her and to hold her hand and to not spend too long glancing at other people lest his mind start to wander.

Unfortunately that’s not quite how it works. And even though Even still loves her and their relationship has never been better (according to her at least), Even begins catching himself staring at a boy in his maths class. When the boy does a presentation Even finds himself thinking about how good the boy’s jeans fit his arse and of course that doesn’t actually mean anything. 

Even tells himself it doesn't mean anything.

But he finds excuses to text the boy about math homework or anything else he can think of. He does that until the boy gets a girlfriend of his own and then Even pretends that it doesn’t hurt at all because there’s no reason that it should.

“Even, should you really be drinking another beer?” Sonja asks in a way that is really telling him to stop. 

They’d been at the party about an hour and Even had already lost count of the number of beers he’d had. “I’m fine.” He replied forcefully, leaning away from Sonja ever so slightly because she’s standing just a bit too close and it’s so completely suffocating.

The beer was really because there was a cute boy. Again. This had been happening practically every party lately - Even seeing a boy he thought was hot - and that set him off so that he could barely concentrate on anything else. He wondered what it would be like to kiss a boy and that was all he could think about until he had drank enough beer that he couldn’t think coherent thoughts about anything anymore. Then he would kiss Sonja and it would be as nice as it always was. It was fine that Even thought that a couple boys at parties were cute, that didn’t actually mean anything.

It was easy enough to keep pretending like that. But then some things happened, bad things, and the next year Even was at a different school even though by now he really should have been done with school all together. The fresh start is nice, he’ll admit that, but now all his friends aren’t there and he only sees Sonja when she comes over in the evenings.

At first he tells himself that it’s because he’s been seeing her less, that’s why he notices the boy with blonde curly hair. Even has always had a thing for blondes. But when he’s kissing her, late at night with hands that should want to pull closer, he can’t stop the thoughts from creeping in. Her soft skin stops feeling like home. He feels like he’s suffocating.

“Do you also need tissues?” Even doesn’t know what he’s doing, that much is clear, but he’s doing something and it’s enough to set his pulse going a hundred miles an hour. The boy’s name is Isak, Even’s known that for a couple days, and now he’s actually talking to him. A pretty weird conversation but it’s something.

The boy just looks at him in response, clearly confused and Even feels like he might of fucked everything up but before he knows it they’re sharing a joint and Even can’t stop looked at how nice Isak’s fingers look holding it carefully. They sit far enough apart that there’s no chance at accidentally brushing against each other, Isak made sure of that, but Even can’t stop thinking about how much he wants to kiss this boy.

Maybe it’s a good thing that Emma walks up when she does.

When Even’s laying next to Sonja later that night, he’s still thinking about the tissues and the red snapback and the more he tries to push them away, the more they stay. So late at night, Even stops fighting it. It’s alright as long as they stay in his head, right? Thinking never hurt anybody. 

It must have been some sort of miracle that he ran into Isak the next day on the bus. (Of course he had to pretend to forget his ID as an excuse to invite Isak over, but somehow Isak hadn’t noticed.)

While they sit at the windowsill, Even thinks that Isak might be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. He makes his heart ache already and they’re barely even met. It’s scary really. Bisxeual; Even turns the word over in his head while they smoke. It feels right (really it always has) and Even finds that he isn’t as scared of it as he thought he would be. But admitting that he’s bisexual and admitting that he likes Isak are two completely different things, and Even doesn’t think that he’s quite ready for the second one.

It’s harder after that. Sonja feels further away, like there’s a couple feet of fog inbetween them, and Even knows that it's all his fault. It’s not that he doesn’t love her, he always will, but they fell out of love a while ago. Only neither of them were willing to admit it and Even’s still not sure if he can. 

Even listens to a lot of music and draws comics where the characters are in love and it’s simple. He still kisses Sonja at night and he tries to stop thinking about Isak. It’s so close to being more than just thoughts inside his head. It’s so close to hurting someone and Even knows he has to stop. But he really wants to know what it feels like. Even if it’s only once.

And then there’s that damn party. Isak has that ridiculous face paint on his cheeks and it’s so cute that Even’s insulted. It makes it about ten times harder to stop himself from kissing him and when they’re in the kitchen, talking, Isak’s so cute that it’s impossible.

Even leans forward, not thinking at all, and they’re so close. Only then there’s a thud and the pounding silence in Even’s ears is broken. He should thank Noora, he really should. It would have been dumb to ruin a perfect relationship out of curiosity, that’s what Even tries to tell himself at least.

After that he decides that he should stop talking to Isak. It would be better to just end this now, before it gets any further. But that lasts precisely zero time because as soon as Even sees Isak again he can’t stop himself from talking to him. And before he knows it they’re supposed to hang out on the night of Halloween. With Emma and Sonja too.

“We should go as matching costumes,” Sonja tells him. 

“Yeah, sure,” Even agrees absentmindedly.

“I wonder what Isak and Emma will wear.” Sonja thinks out loud. 

And that’s what Even’s been thinking about the whole time because Isak will probably wear some unfairly cute costume and Even can’t ever seem to stop thinking about Isak now. Isak with his perfect bow lips and curls that would be so perfect for gently tugging on while...god, Even knows that he needs to get ahold of himself. He knows that just thinking about Isak shouldn’t make his blood feel likes it’s made of fire as it course through his veins, but it’s impossible to stop from wanting.

But soon it’s 21:21 and Isak is holding onto him as they ride his bike through the cool night air and Even swears that he has never felt more alive. They must be on a completely planet from Sonja and the others, because Even feels a million miles away from everything that could possible be reality. Isak is warm against him and when he laughs Even can feel the vibrations against him. He would kiss Isak right here if he could.

It’s actually not much later that Even can’t take it anymore. Isak looks beautiful underwater. His eyes feel like they’re seeing right through Even and the thrill of being somewhere that they aren’t supposed to be makes Even feel a little bit like he can do anything. He could do things possible only in his wildest dreams. 

So he does actually that.

Isak’s lips are soft against his. Even’s never kissed anyone underwater but he’s very sure that it’s not just the water that makes this so much better than any kisses have been in a very long time. He desperately wants to pull Isak closer, for it to be more, and it’s not nearly enough when they already have to move apart so that they can take a break to breathe.

“That was cheating!” Isak protests as they come back to the surface.

But Evens not really listening because he can’t stop staring at his lips and thinking about how they actually just did _that_. And when they go underwater again, Isak’s the one to initiate it this time so it’s somehow even better. 

Even wonders how he could have possibly spent so long without kissing boys.

\--

When he later breaks up with Sonja, she calls Even bisexual as if that’s an insult. But now it doesn’t hurt as bad. And Even doesn’t keep holding her hand.

Instead, he finally lets go.

**Author's Note:**

> even being bi is very near and dear to my heart so I wanted to write a little fic about it. (also can we talk about how even went from a long term relationship with a gorgeous girl to a dedicated relationship with the cutest guy?? even pulls lmao) hope you liked it!!
> 
> (check out [my tumblr](sunlitskam.tumblr.com) if you want)


End file.
